Let's Get Real

I'm on a path.  It's not a perfect path but I strive for and intend it to be a conscious path.  To me that means to be aware of myself and those around me. To be conscious and in a state of observation.

Sometimes I am consciously observing myself in a complete frenzy and I know I'm stuck in the middle of it like a bad hormonal surge of PMS.  Like being electrocuted by anxiety and even though the whole experience is painful for everyone and you know you need to let go of it...it has a hold on you and you can't let go.  The source of energy itself has to be shut down (hmmm, that would be something to ponder on and write about later).

My point is that we are all human.  I'm writing about conscious parenting because I'm trying to practice it.  I'm not a parenting or child expert.  I'm just a mom who wants to be a good example .  I grew up in a normal nuclear and chaotic house with three kids (me being the oldest) and we are all two years apart.  The TV was always on, my parents smoked.  Maybe I had a sensory processing problem (probably still do) but all the noise and activity really got to me.  I liked it quiet, peaceful and in order (maybe a little OCD issue as well).  I thought that when I grew up, I was going to transcend this energy and have a calm and quiet house with mindful little children who follow me willfully around.  I was always critical of people who couldn't "control" their children.  Funny how thoughts like that always come full circle to stare you down until you have to face something within yourself.  I have thought that I have created a reality of chaos because of my fear of chaos (a possibility and also a topic for another night) or maybe I'm recreating it to heal it or transmute it.

Anyway, I am blessed with two active and healthy boys.  Both strong willed leaders and determined beyond belief to have it "their" way.  They certainly do not follow me or anyone willfully around.  They hit the ground running in two different directions.  My husband is the same way.  We are like one big testosterone party spinning in all directions.  Then there's me...quiet and sweet but protective and territorial alpha female.  We all take up a lot of energetic space and we each own our space. 

My role as a mother, as I see it, is to manage the energy of our family. What are we?  Who are we?  Why are we?  I felt we needed something to help ground and bond our family.  We started our family/prayer time about two months ago.  Since then, among some other changes we made, our kids have started getting along so much better and as a result, my husband and I get along better. We are in sync with each other and we make energetic sense to each other.  It helps to calm me down and helps me to feel connected to everyone which in turn transforms my reality which is really what it comes down to anyway.  How do we each perceive our own realities? How do we respect each other's realities, perceptions and perspectives?  We are getting there and we are trying to learn our process.

Either way, I believe the key is the feeling of connection.  The more connected we feel to each other, the more intuitive and empathic we can be to our needs as individuals and as a collective family energy.  I hope to provide the sacred space for this to continue to expand in our family. So far, our simple, consistent time together in the evening is deepening our connections to each other, our family unit and the divine.