I Choose How to Handle Every Moment

Nobody is perfect and I certainly had a less than perfect day yesterday.  There wasn't anything wrong with this uneventful day either.  I have been gently working on letting things go with the flow.  My husband has been eloquently and naturally picking up the slack without my constant reminders (nagging).  But yesterday I was out of patience with the kids, maybe everybody, but they were there and they were my mirror.

I just woke up with an empty cup!  Every time I heard, "mom" or the phone ring or ANYTHING I just wanted to shut out the world.  I was sensory overloaded and ready for the silence of monastery life. Everything irritated me.

Silence...ahhhhhh...peace...ssshhhhhhh...please...I beg you.

The kids got away with a little too much yesterday and in general lately. As I was observing myself giving up, I was feeling lower and lower and they were getting more and more out of control.  

We have started our eating at the table together (again) routine.  Sometimes it's just easier to eat on the couch.  I know, awful, but like I said, I've been trying to go with the flow.  So yesterday maybe I realized it was too much flow and not enough order and no control over anything.  This blog is a lot of self analysis.  You should try it.  Write it down, like your dreams and you start to unlock hidden meanings.

We need RULES...that we FOLLOW...ALWAYS.  So I came up with three that I am going to draw on cards and discuss.
1.  All meals to be eaten at the table.
2.  All homework to be done at their desk.
3.  Ask permission to open the fridge. (Constantly opening up the fridge is my ultimate pet peeve).

Anyway, yesterday, as my husband and I were finishing dinner, the kids had already finished. They could not sit still at the table and were now running all over the place like wild animals.  Climbing on the furniture, on the counters, wouldn't wash their hands just going nuts.  I was losing my mind.  Then the little one was pulling all his books off his shelves and onto the floor.  That was it!!  I ran in there screaming and yelling at them, kicking their books around and they were looking at me like I was crazy.  So I left the room and asked my husband to intervene because I was afraid I would hurt them.  I was so low.  I felt completely defeated as a parent.

After my husband yelled at me for losing it and I yelled back at him for not stepping in sooner, etc, he took over.  He got the kids bathed and ready for bed as I finished cleaning up.

I hear him in the bathroom talking gently with them, coaching their behavior and I felt relieved.  I breathed and started setting up for family time.  Played nice music, had lavender diffusing (for calm), our angel cards, our crystals, our pillows, everything ready while I just sat there and waited.  I couldn't say much so my husband did.  He asked what we are all grateful for and when it was my turn I said that I'm grateful to have a family that loves me and supports me, especially when I'm struggling, that it is important to help support each other in good and bad times because it will help keep us together.  We did our family hugs and I said a silent prayer for us all.

My six year old has been watching the Star Wars movies and is really into being a Jedi Knight and interested in the difference between the light and the dark side and the good and the bad.  We have been using these movies to illustrate these difference to him to follow the light, the force of goodness.  So last night my husband asked Oliver if he remembered what Darth Vader said to Luke as he was dying.  Darth Vader said, "tell your sister that you were right, there was some good left in me.".

Wow! My husband really pulls the rabbit out of the hat sometimes.  I had a little tear and a little smile.

Today was a much better day.  The kids were calmer too.  When I don't have patience for my own kids, it affects me deeply as a human being.  When I am constantly reminding myself that one day I will long for the days of all the activity it makes me sad.  Sad that somedays I wish for silence and calm knowing that one day I could wish for all the activity back.  But when my kids are out of control I feel like I am doing something wrong and yet sometimes my answers aren't the answers at all.  It's just apart of the path. I choose how to handle every moment. That is my new mantra.

Next I will write about our perfectly imperfect family time.